Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Ricky Bobby of air fresheners

"I had a coupon for 4 buckaroos off this new air freshening system from Air Wick: the Air Wick Freshmatic Ultra. Now, if that doesn't sound like the Ricky Bobby of air fresheners, then I don't know what does. And, with a coupon, you can bet I thought it was a good deal."
(Aug. 15, 2010, Merdeezy Hollaaas!)

Monday, May 30, 2011

The Rambo of the fabric world

"The hemline was restricting my hips. Bad hemline. So off with you!
Cut off the hem as close to the stitching as you can get it. Don't worry about unraveling - t-shirt fabric is pretty much the Rambo of the fabric world."
(May 7, 2010, Cut Out + Keep)

Sunday, May 29, 2011

The Patrick Bateman of fantasizing a homicidal wet dream of unethical proportions

"While daydreaming at work, I become the Patrick Bateman of fantasizing a homicidal wet dream of unethical proportions."
(May 28, 2011, TheBlessMess, Twitter)

Friday, May 27, 2011

The Paul Reiser of dining establishments

"Speaking of Seven Corners, I was amazed to find a Bennigan's out there. I had no idea they were still in existence, and have no idea why they are still in existence. They just don't go away... Bennigan's is the Paul Reiser of dining establishments."
(Dec. 18, 2007, rodmax, Livejournal)

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Johnny Cash of pregnant chicks

"I've also concluded that from here on out, I will wear all black everywhere I go--but really because is slimming not because I'm mourning ;) I'll be the Johnny Cash of pregnant chicks!"
(May 24, 2010, Urban Cowgirl)

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The Henry Rollins of the Seven Dwarfs

"Grumpy is the Henry Rollins of the Seven Dwarfs. He’s gruff, annoyed, and perceptive. In our world he works as a bodyguard and a bouncer. He can be distrustful and a real prick, but when it comes down to it he’ll be the first one leading the rescue."
(May 27, 2008, Comic Book Resources)

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Tom Petty of Christmas tree ornaments

"When I was very young I heard a comedian call Tom Petty the butt-ugliest human being ever born. At the time I didn’t even know who Tom Petty was, but that description stayed with me. I guess I thought it was funny. When I finally discovered who the object of the comment was, I didn’t quite think that it was true; I had seen people much uglier before and I definitely have since. For instance, I once worked with a woman who looked like Ernest Borgnine in drag. And for the record, I know that I’m not much to look at either. But what I lack in quality, I make up for in quantity. I’m ugly, but there’s a lot of me.

Because of that statement from the comedian, I thought of the ornament that started the battle of wills as the Tom Petty of Christmas tree ornaments."
(Dec. 21, 2010, The Seeking Pastor)

Monday, May 23, 2011

The Mike Huckabee of cable providers

"Broadstripe is the Mike Huckabee of cable providers."
(March 1, 2011, Slog)

Friday, May 20, 2011

The Jennifer Lopez of plants

"As soon as it gets too warm, these plants will stop blooming and lose their appeal. Toss 'em out. Don't feel bad. Love 'em and leave 'em. Be the Jennifer Lopez of plants."
(Feb. 5, 2009, Steve Bender, The Grumpy Gardener)

Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Charlie Sheen of Corgis

"Meanwhile, Monkey Man will be here with his beloved babysitter, Miss Heather, who will ply him with chicken nuggets and let him watch crappy TV the whole time. And of course, Rufus will be here holding down the fort until the two hoomans leave during the day and that's when he turns into the Charlie Sheen of Corgis. He's going to order a briefcase of deer poop and hire corgi strippers to come watch pay-per-view with him for two days. Then he'll have to go to the emergency vet for either a hiatal hernia or deer poop overdose. That's how he rolls."
(Feb. 1, 2011, Builder Mama)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Ron Howard of lethal critters

"But let’s face it, their fate was already in my hands. Or in my mouth. Whichever I feel like. News flash, kids: Their fate? Still in this slick paw o’ mine. Luckily, the fifth best thing I’m known for, after the killing, persuasiveness, ability and will to please (uh, showmanship?) and frech cuisine, of course, is magnamity. I am the Ron Howard of lethal critters. I’m the nicest Tiger you’d ever meet, and that’s saying something, because most Tigers would just cut you down with a smile. Oh, I’m adorable. I’ll play with a pallet of yarn and coo and get you wrapped around my little finger. Until I want to eat you."
(March 10, 2010, Zack Gets Down)

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Eazy E of the NBA

"Jason Terry is the Eazy E of the NBA. That is not a metaphor."
(May 17, 2011, FreeDarko, Twitter)

The ZZ Top of Tajik warlords

"Seriously, that is quite a beard. It’s like he’s the ZZ Top of Tajik warlords."
(Aug. 2, 2009, Ghosts of Alexander)

Monday, May 16, 2011

The Jay and Silent Bob of the Bible

"Needless to say, this book is hilarious. Moore writes with an elegant wit and biting sarcasm that I both tremendously enjoy and envy. I found myself laughing out loud more than once, usually at Biff’s shenanigans or when Joshua uses sarcasm against him (Biff feels that, as the inventor of the lowest form of wit, no one should be allowed to use it against him. Clearly that doesn’t happen). Between the laughs, Moore has created a deep, passionate friendship between these two characters. Through Biff’s eyes, it becomes a little clearer why people loved this dude named Joshua so much. He’s flawed, has a foul mouth and some pretty clever insults, but he’s a loveable guy. These two are like, the Jay and Silent Bob of the bible – hetero life mates and best buds. And this incredible friendship makes the inevitably sad ending of the book that much more heartbreaking. It’s beautiful."
(July 28, 2010, My Life as Rach)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Robert Redford of having to shit at totally inconvenient times

"I am the Robert Redford of having to shit at totally inconvenient times."
(May 14, 2011, polysorbate, Twitter)

Friday, May 13, 2011

The Chicago Cubs of the postapocalypse world

"Our heroine is Katniss Everdeen (lame name, cool kid), a resident of District 12, which used to be Appalachia. She lives in a desperately poor mining community called the Seam, and when her little sister's name is chosen as one of the contestants in the upcoming Hunger Games, Katniss volunteers to take her place. A gutsy decision, given the fact that District 12 hasn't produced a Hunger Games winner in 30 years or so, making them the Chicago Cubs of the postapocalypse world."
(Sept. 8, 2008, Stephen King, Entertainment Weekly)

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The Yeti of Fort Worth burgers

"As you're driving in towards downtown Fort Worth on 7th... you'll hit Summit Ave. Swing a left and immediately enter the parking lot. Yes, you will be in the parking lot of a large office building. Don't be confused, the 'Yeti' of Fort Worth burgers is hidden deep within the recesses of corporate Texas..."
(Jan. 9, 2009, Jake Good, Food and Fort Worth, TX)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Martin Luther King of robots

"TBMD: So basically Optimus Prime is the Martin Luther King of robots ‘Freedom is the right of all sentient beings’. Unfortunately that all encompassing benevolent philosophy comes a bit unglued when your looking down the barrel of that grinning sadist Megatron’s fucking arm-cannon. Doesn’t it Optimus Jesus?"
(March 2, 2011, Mindless Ones)

Monday, May 9, 2011

The Chris Rock of post-50 Canadian white women

"And tickets to this! Mary Walsh is the Chris Rock of post-50 Canadian white women. If you are even part wasp, get these for your mom. This fund raiser sells out every year by the way, so get a hustle on if you’re thinking of coughing up for it. They are $100 each by the way."
(Dec. 21, 2010, Pink Mafia)

Saturday, May 7, 2011

The Jennifer Aniston of basketball

"Chris Bosh is the Jennifer Aniston of basketball. #heatsuck"
(May 7, 2011,
Julius Sharpe, Twitter)

Friday, May 6, 2011

The Katherine Heigl of taxidermy

"I'm like the Katherine Heigl of taxidermy."
(April 15, 2011, Bed Lady)

Thursday, May 5, 2011

The Suri Cruise of feet

"Maybe my feet are so amazing that I want to shelter them so they can live a normal life. I don't want them to be the Suri Cruise of feet.
(2011, Tina Fey, Bossypants, page 152)

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Rob Lowe of the Great Barrier Reef

"This gigantic fish was a huge jerk, he is basically the Rob Lowe of the Great Barrier Reef, he will pose for anyones photo, and doesn't mind if people are all over him touching his fins."
(Dec. 28, 2007, A Dying Star)

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Ralph Wiggum of American literature

"Also, James Fenmore Cooper is totally the Ralph Wiggum of American literature."
(March 15, 2011, Olivia Waite)

Monday, May 2, 2011

The Lamar Odom of cop shows

"You’re not alone. Southland is weirdly, secretly good. It’s the Lamar Odom of cop shows."
(Feb. 8, 2011, Warming Glow)